Dropping Perfection

I am a pretty joyous person. I laugh and find humor easily, especially humor in myself. I am one of those that crack themselves up. That’s a good trait to have when it seems like either I’m doing something crazy or someone around me is – at least we can laugh.

My title for today’s blog cracked me up. Every time I have to tell someone (I choose to tell someone) I am a perfectionist, I have to laugh and make a joke and say something like, “I’m a frustrated perfectionist!” or “I’m a perfectionist on the inside.” I can imagine that someone on the outside looking at my life would not imagine that about me. If you just look at my life, my laundry, my to do list that feels like one step ahead two steps behind, my drawers and closets….you might feel the same. Even Hubby Dear thinks that’s funny because he doesn’t see it in me and since I’m laughing and making jests, at least some of the time, it sure doesn’t look as if I’m struggling with perfectionism, but oh, am I.

So while my humorous nature does help, there are still plenty of times when inside I’m a worried mess. I’d like to ask everyone around me where they would rate themselves on the perfectionism scale. How hard are any of us on ourselves? I imagine we are a lot harder on ourselves that we let on. I think stay-at-home mother’s can struggle significantly because often they can feel as if no one sees them and the work they do each day. How many times have a worked all day and it looked on the surface if someone were to drop by that I didn’t “do” anything? But that kind of thinking is looking for the value in someone else’s opinion or pat on the back. Those things are nice, but I don’t want those things to be necessary.

What we are used to seeing, I think, are those personalities that show the appearance of perfection and that makes sense to us. My friends and family that seem to get everything done and everything in line make sense if they describe themselves as a perfectionist. I understand if they shrug their shoulders and say they have a  “Type A” personality – a little about personality types here.

I’m seeking to drop my inner perfectionism – my inner critic – so it only makes sense for me to drop it within these pages as well. I’ve only written one post. This will be number two. I don’t have pictures yet, and I can’t figure out how to do an about page. It will all be fine. I like to write. I like to share. I like to encourage people. Somehow in the mist of doing those things I hope to become more authentic in my own life.

Change your thoughts and you change your world.  — Norman Vincent Peale

Here’s to the journey!

I think I’m on to something…

I think I’m on to something. This severe writer’s block is all my husband’s fault. Yep, that’s the story (wink, wink, Mr. H, I still love you). In fact, now that I figured where to point my finger, I might as well blame him twice.

Yes, he did set this blog all up for me. Thank you, Honey. But you know what he went and did? He told me ever so nicely what he thought my blog should be about. I did ask his opinion, sort of. Well, we talked, and he told me that he thought I should simply write about our lives, how we homeschool, what we do all day – easy breezy and all that jazz and then it would just be extension of the lives we already have. Hasn’t he learned in 14 years that I’m not all about easy breezy?! I like to stew, plan, make complicated, talk about it, call someone about it, dwell, yes, dwell…wake up at  3 in the morning and along with solving the rest of the world’s problems think about this blog some more, and when asked by my thoughtful hubby if I am ever going to actually get started writing, give “the look”. “The look” means it’s just not that easy, Buddy. “The look” means I was thinking of taking the blog a different direction, at least slightly, and now I’m riddled with doubt as if this one decision means everything. I tend to be a frustrated perfectionist, so really that brings me right directly to point of blame of Dear Hubby no. 2.

Dear Hubby then tells me in an encouraging and helpful manner that every day he’s checking to see if I’ve posted yet! Yes. Checking. Isn’t that exciting!? Even now it sort of makes me realize I quit breathing for a second. Refer to paragraph two and just let my brief description of my personality soak into that one. He – is – checking – to – see -if – I – have – written – yet.

My husband is a great guy. As I like to quote “It takes a mighty good man to be better than none.” My husband is a mighty good man. He puts up with me and loves me and will do anything for me and he is truly my best friend.

But wait…back to business, because I might as well just go with it.

My name is Becky and I’m a 40 something (actually 43) Christian mom of 4 children ages 18 to 3 who homeschool in a Charlotte Mason classical way. We’ve been doing it since my first son finished his kindergarten year. I came out of a full time job of teaching Art in the public school. I had only been teaching a couple of years after having gone through our state’s non-traditional teacher licensure program (highly recommend). Hubby was in Iraq and I was pregnant with our second child and I was scared to death that I’d do it all wrong. Every year has gotten better. I started that first year recreating public school at home and each year I’ve gotten more and more away from that to something so much better.

My first child is graduating this year. I am so proud of him. I am also so proud of myself. We’ve done it. We homeschooled all the way through high school and it’s been a grand ol’ ride. There’s never been a boring minute and I don’t think I’m exaggerating.

I hope this blog will inspire just as I do exactly what my husband suggested all along.

“…and he told me that he thought I should simply write about our lives, how we homeschool, what we do all day.”

The part that comes all from me is that I want this blog to not inspire because I’m someone to look up to. Ha! I hope to inspire because I’m real. I have ups and downs daily and I do my very best to have joy in all that I do. Some days I win and others I don’t, but with Jesus Christ at my helm each day I can get better as I purposefully draw close to Him.

Be talking to you soon! God bless!